What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 03:02
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why am I so unproductive when it's a holiday the next day?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
(And it was in our own minds.)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Is it possible to permanently quit pornography?
Was to survive, this bastard.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was very sick at this time too.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why do people believe that global warming is man made?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
What are some reasons why men may not want to date a woman who can pay her own bills?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why do liberals have a problem with masculine men like Andrew Tate?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I waited trembling.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why don't some people like the 10 Commandments?
And i lived it daily.
All the time i was locked up.
When she asked me how she looked .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
How has Sanskrit influenced modern Tamil language, particularly in terms of vocabulary?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Can you DM your uncle’s wife for a video?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I write beautiful poetry .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
What do most wives fantasize about?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was seconnd youngest,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
It was going to be , some day.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot live in the past .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My life is so biszare .
Comes on , in middle age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Ive learnt so much.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I think the readers, may guess!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I will be 64.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My family never makes their pension either.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
What did i know ?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Put me off passion for life!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He knew the spot.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was scared of men, in general
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I said to her
But it wasn’t much.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was 9 years of age.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We were not on the streets..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
I have no regrets .
So whats the point in blame.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
She was in good health!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As i do to all so called friends.?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Who then, do I blame.?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She loved him until the end.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Would this be the day?
Im still living with it.
She wouldn,t have been !
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
She married twice! .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
So, i spoilt her more .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
This is soul school!.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We all went to grammer schools
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!